We're Going to Name Our Kid "Bookshelf"

We're Going to Name Our Kid "Bookshelf"

I'm not pregnant.

But I am 31.

So that means every friend I know is either incubating a baby or has already squatted out at least one.

And that's great. I'm all for loved, wanted small humans. I just don't have one of my own.

However, if the Dark Lord did have Her way and Chris and I produced spawn, we want to do right by that horned/hooved monstrosity and bestow upon it a proper name.

Obviously, we want our kid to be popular, so we could go with something like "Banana," "East," or "Suri Cruise." But we want to include our personal interests, too, so we'd clearly peruse lists of cat breeds, which means our baby could be called "Sphynx," Bengal," or "Russian Blue."

But, as a psychology student studying intersexed individuals, I know that we must be conscious of gender fluidity. Something neutral like "Harper" would do quite nicely, especially since one of my favorite authors is Ms. Lee.

Still, what if the neutral name we pick isn't reflective of our baby's inner spirit? I raise this issue because I once attended a meditation class at a spiritual shop, and one of the store's in-house felines meandered into the reflection room. I love cats ( and cat-themed items ), so I politely inquired as to the kitty's name. A fellow peace-seeker informed me, "His human name is Smokey, but since he can't talk, we don't know what name the Universe gave him."

It's a valid point.

What if I grant my kid a proper gender-neutral name and then that baby grows up to be a literary agent or a stylist or a dry cleaner who the Universe intended to christen "Bookshelf," "Hair Dryer," or "Pocket Lint?"


I don't want that bad karma.

So, Chris and I have decided that the only real course of action is to not in any way presume or predetermine our child's destiny (or Destiny's Child).

We have decided that the only logical course is to encourage any child we welcome into our lives to choose her/his/their/it's own name when she/he/they/it have discovered her/his/their/it's own gender/calling/Universe-given-moniker.

Until then, the birth certificate will read "Placeholder Rigby."

It's a solid name, I think.


True story: Life would be super swell if we all embraced our OMG side instead of living a Facebook-friendly existence. So, let it out. What's the most ridiculous baby name you've encountered? Go ahead. Be judgey. I'm up for it. What, in your opinion, is a better name? Feel free to disclose details. You're safe here.