I'm *Fairly* Sure My Husband Isn't a Pedophile, And Other Halloween Thoughts...

Halloween sucks when you're a kid in an Evangelical Christian cult. Celebrating the Devil's Day is a sin of the highest order, in that obviously costumes are wearable false idols and buying candy is a misuse of funds designated for God's work. I wish I were joking. Bless my parents' non-heretical hearts. Even though they knew to nix treat-or-treating to save our souls, they recognized that maintaining a holy Halloween was tough for we children. They didn't want us to be too tempted to partake in witch-related wickedness, so they created a Christian alternative. They organized a "Pumpkin Patch Party"