I desperately wish my headline had misplaced an "S" and that my grandmother had discovered a scooter rather than a working vagina. But I'm not that lucky. And neither, apparently, are a few men that I don't even want to pretend exist. The moral (or lack thereof) of this post is that Nana's naughty. It's a truth I don't want to acknowledge. Ever. At all. In any measure or degree. But I promised y'all the unadulterated truth (a pun you'll appreciate by this post's end), and I'm going to give it to you (which is ostensibly a phrase with which
A recovering journalist who recently moved to the deep-fried South and is reveling in the freedom to have opinions and say "fuck." Oh, and cats. Because, duh.
Please don't abandon me yet. I've written other stuff, and I'll give you a cookie if you read these:
- My Vagina Is On a Diet, And It Would Appreciate It If You Stopped Offering It Cake
- We're Going to Name Our Kid "Bookshelf"
- My Mom Offered to Send Me to Fat Camp.... On My 30th Birthday
- That One Time We Considered Stuffing Our Dead Cat Into a Teddy Bear...
- I Think My Ex Just Threatened to Eat My Cats...
- The Best Cults Are Polygamous and Have Animal Sacrifices (But That's Just My Personal Experience)
- 6 Ways Doctors (And Maybe Kim Kardashian) Can Improve Your Colonoscopy Experience
- I'm *Fairly* Sure My Husband Isn't a Pedophile, And Other Halloween Thoughts...
Where I Go When I'm On The Internet:
- Modest Mess: This blonde Viking beauty works as a longshoreman and uses such colorful prose as “farty ball-sack.”
- Oh Joy Sex Toy: I know you were disappointed that I'm not a sex blog, so here's a good one. In cartoon form!!
- Feminist Lisa Frank: Disassembling the patriarchy one rainbow kitten at a time. I'm super pissed I didn't think of this first.
- One Salty Blonde: This sassy Canadian once sent me a picture of her unused vibrator. Kindred Spirit Achievement: Unlocked.
- The Bloggess: Because if creative taxidermy doesn't do it for you, you shouldn't be here.
- The Reluctant Cat Owner’s Journal: An openly handsome gay dude blogs about his special needs cats. ‘Nuff said.
- Hacker. Ninja. Hooker. Spy.: I came for the post, “I Don’t Think This Belongs in my Vagina,” and stayed for her plans to use a possible tumor to acquire a sympathy kitten. #SoulMate
- Zen Habits: Because sometimes you need to clear your mind of the chaos and clutter.