I Think My Ex Just Threatened to Eat My Cats...

Once upon 2002, a very white girl fell in love with a very Asian boy. He wooed her by grilling her steaks and joking that the meat source was stray cats. The very Asian boy then proposed marriage to the very white girl, all while covertly banging the very Asian girl to whom he had been very betrothed by his parents when he was 4. That white girl was me, and that Asian guy was the recently-introduced Mr. Ass Hat, who, PLOT TWIST, just sent me a Facebook friend request. Out of nowhere. WITH A FAKE NAME. Imagine, if you

I brainstormed a witty title for this post about herpes, but I couldn't think of anything "catchy"...

Reason #1,386,928 I deserve a medal and/or a cookie: I was at the grocery store yesterday, and the cashier asked me how my day had been thus far, and I did not respond with, "Welp, my sister just revealed she's contracted herpes from her ex-convict husband. I don't know who was more surprised: her or me. Just kidding. It was totally her." Rather, I decided to go with the more sedate answer and said, "I'm as okay as I can be, considering I have a colonoscopy tomorrow. I'm just here to pick up adult diapers because I