There Is A Picture In Here Of A Cowboy With A Cactus As His Cockledoodledoo...

There Is A Picture In Here Of A Cowboy With A Cactus As His Cockledoodledoo...

Have y'all heard of Instagram?

Apparently, it's this app for your phone where you can post your pictures online using these cool things called "filters" that make your images look super snazzy and professional. Then, complete strangers validate your photo street cred by "liking" your photographs.

If this can happen, then anything can! Maybe I'll get my Hogwarts letter! Maybe One Direction will become whole again! Ooooo! Maybe Bernie Sanders will let me lick his face! #FeeltheBern!!

Anywhoo... I found this Instagram sorcery, and I completely forgot to write a blog post, because OMG! FANCY PICTURES! And then I started thinking, "Ooo! I should do what other bloggers do where they do weekly roundups, except the roundup will just be about me and will only be presented as pictures."

So, HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES, PEOPLES!!! YOU'RE ABOUT TO ACHIEVE SNOREGASM*

*(Um, it turns out that a snoregasm is not what I thought. Furthermore, it appears my husband did * not * enjoy last night's sexy times as much as I thought. I hate it when he gets punny about coitus.)

PICTURE UNO:

I took this picture in my apartment's parking garage. Pollen here in the South is banana pants. It's like the trees make yellow snow. Sometimes people don't wash their cars, and this happens. (And no. I didn't write that. Seriously. I know how to spell "your," "mother," and "sucks.")

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PICTURE DEUX:

I took this picture in my husband's home office. He recently forced me to play darts, and this showcases my raw talent.

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PICTURE THREE:

I took this picture in my bedroom. If the husband can buy a dart board, I can buy this guy. Super sexy, right? Admit it. You'd do him.

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PICTURE FOREPLAY:

Speaking of sexy stuff, I recently found this picture of our beloved Booger trying to find answers in my college textbook as to how to get his groove back after neutering.

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PICTURE CINCO DE MY-OH-MY:

I took this picture at an antique store. Bad antique store! Bad! Go sit in a corner, and think about what you've done!

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PICTURE SICK:

I took this picture in my apartment's elevator. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!? Is it liquid feces? Spit up? Really ill urine? I DON'T KNOW!!!

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And thus completes my first (and probably only) issue of the regular(ish) news(ish) recap!

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Oh, wait! I forgot! It's Caturday!

Khaleesi didn't like her clearance rack pumpkin costume. Tough shit, Khaleesi! You look so adorable in this outfit that I could just eat you up!

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(P.S. That part at the beginning about Instagram? It was a joke. I'm not, like, 40. I know what the cool kids use nowadays. I keep this shit straight trippin' tight, bae.*)

(*I have no clue what I just typed.)

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True story: Life would be super swell if we all embraced our OMG side instead of living a Facebook-friendly existence. So, let it out. *What super rad picture did YOU take/see this week? Do you have Instagram? Did it make glitter rain down on you, too? * Feel free to disclose details. You're safe here.