While at a friend's house for a party, I made the slight etiquette breach of gushing, "I'm so sorry about your couch right now, but SPLOOSH!"
I don't often draw attention to my faux orgasms. That's just gauche. But seconds before, an idea was birthed that was so arousing and so titillating that the heat it produced almost dissipated the wetness it caused in my panties. Truly, I hesitate to share the concept with you, as I'm legit scared that every person with a libido will capsize from the intensity of it all.
Still want it?
Okay. Well, you've been warned.
But first, a wee bit of back story: When Conservatives inevitably destroy the world (either with their incessant war-mongering or their continued denial of climate change), and I am the only fertile woman on the planet, I pray that God, in Her infinite wisdom, leaves me Bernie Sanders. Because I would jump his old bones faster than you can say "woman's-right-to-choose." We would repopulate the Earth with lovely, little liberals.
BUT... this dream of mine can get even better, if you can believe it.
Imagine, if you will, the body of Game of Thrones actor Kit Harrington. Just let that spicy image linger for a second. Glorious stuff, right? Mmmmmm.
NOW. Remove his (perfectly adequate) brain, and replace it with the mind of progressive god Bernie Sanders.
You read that right. I'm talking about Kit Harrington's physique bumping not-at-all-uglies with Bernie Sander's ideas.
Dear reader, I earnestly apologize about YOUR couch or chair or picnic blanket or toilet or wherever you happened to be sitting when your naughty bits exploded. But don't blame me. Blame evolution for giving us the creativity to think of such magnificent hybrids. Because, seriously, I cannot get my body temp down. I am straight up clutching my pearls over here.
Anyway, while I know fantasies are wicked great, sometimes our imaginations can't quite do a notion justice. So, if you allow me, I will proceed to blow your minds.
Introducing Kittie Sanderston, the handsome rogue who always knows just what to say on the social justice issue of the day. (Yes, these are pics of Kit superimposed with Bernie's quotes. You're welcome. So, so welcome.)
I could do this all day, but I have to interrupt this daydreaming to go print these images on a tote bag, because I'm going to need some sort of transporting apparatus to cart around my oxygen machine as I gasp for breath as I think of nothing but this magical marriage of muscle and mind.
(P.S. Like that picture of Abraham Lincoln? Yeah. Me, too. Yum.)
True story: Life would be super swell if we all embraced our OMG side instead of living a Facebook-friendly existence. So, let it out. If I gave you $80 billion to craft your own person, which person would be the brain donor? Which individual would sacrifice their body? Or, if you're not that brave, which politician would you fire... out of a cannon... into the Sun? Feel free to disclose details. You're safe here.