Apparently, I actually am reincarnated.
I learned today that the Catholic Church has a patron saint of cats, Saint Gertrude of Nivelles, and I'm pretty sure I'm here. After all, this miraculous cat lady died at the age of 33 (my current age) "because of too much abstinence" (my current medical condition), according to medieval history books.
Let me repeat that: The patron saint of cats died in her 30s from a lack of sex. Like, I feel badly for her, but how hilarious is that?
Anyway, I think all of we cat ladies should unite in honor of this astonishing woman. And, as always, I think the best way to pay tribute to a person is to... well, literally pay tribute... via credit card... for cat-themed items.
Now, I know the Internet is a scary place with lots of unfortunate Grumpy Cat/Hello Kitty merchandise. Do we want that?
What we DO want are fabulous feline items, and I've done you the great service of collecting the purrfect pick of the litter right here:
1) Adorable Return Address Stamp, $28
2) Fancy As Shit Mod Litter Box, $439
4) Totes Adorbs Kitty Hair Pins, $16
5) Shark Week Kitty Play Box, $89
13) No Pain, All Gain Cat Tattoo Tights, $12
14) A Fedora for Your Dapper Cat, $55
19) The Big One: A Trip To Cat Island in Japan, airfare starting around $1,644
That's my list. And, despite the huge myth that people blog for money, I didn't get paid to post these things, and I won't get paid if you buy them. Maybe I'm doing this whole thing wrong, but that's how this fat cat sits right now.
True story: Life would be super swell if we all embraced our OMG side instead of living a Facebook-friendly existence. So, let it out. What kickass cat item did I accidentally leave off my list? Feel free to disclose details. You're safe here.