20 Delightful Cat-Themed Reasons To Ruin Your Credit

20 Delightful Cat-Themed Reasons To Ruin Your Credit

Apparently, I actually am reincarnated.

I learned today that the Catholic Church has a patron saint of cats, Saint Gertrude of Nivelles, and I'm pretty sure I'm here. After all, this miraculous cat lady died at the age of 33 (my current age) "because of too much abstinence" (my current medical condition), according to medieval history books.

Let me repeat that: The patron saint of cats died in her 30s from a lack of sex. Like, I feel badly for her, but how hilarious is that?

Anyway, I think all of we cat ladies should unite in honor of this astonishing woman. And, as always, I think the best way to pay tribute to a person is to... well, literally pay tribute... via credit card... for cat-themed items.

Now, I know the Internet is a scary place with lots of unfortunate Grumpy Cat/Hello Kitty merchandise. Do we want that?

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What we DO want are fabulous feline items, and I've done you the great service of collecting the purrfect pick of the litter right here:

1) Adorable Return Address Stamp, $28

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2) Fancy As Shit Mod Litter Box, $439

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3) Creepy As Fuck Bronze Cat With Dead Mouse Door Knocker, $1,350

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4) Totes Adorbs Kitty Hair Pins, $16

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5) Shark Week Kitty Play Box, $89

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6) Cat Lingerie To Call Attention To Your Lady Bits, $59

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7) What to Wear Once Your Significant Other Has Noticed Your Lady Bits, $16.13

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8) What to Use If The Nipple Pasties Don't Do It, $49.95

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9) What to Buy if You Don't Get Pregnant and Just Adopt a Kitty Instead But Still Want to Announce Your Fur Baby to All Your Friends, $4

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10) A Nice Cat Embossed Rolling Pin to Make You Forget That Scary Ass Card, $25

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11) Equally Innocent Cat Manicure Adornments, $4

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12) Super Chic Way to Snazz Up Your Shirts, $22

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13) No Pain, All Gain Cat Tattoo Tights, $12

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14) A Fedora for Your Dapper Cat, $55

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15) Headphones That Make Dr. Dre Look Weak Sauce, $170

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16) Ridiculously Gotta-Have-Right-Now-Itis Inducing Cat Paper/Picture Clips, $12.99

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17) Neon Kitty Mini Skirt, Because Why Not?, $45

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18) A Hoodie With Cat Paws, Cat Ears, and a Pouch for Your Kitten, $126

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19) The Big One: A Trip To Cat Island in Japan, airfare starting around $1,644

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20) And, Finally, An Actual Fucking Cat, Which, Obviously, You Would Adopt From a Shelter, Prices Vary

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Okay, okay.

That's my list. And, despite the huge myth that people blog for money, I didn't get paid to post these things, and I won't get paid if you buy them. Maybe I'm doing this whole thing wrong, but that's how this fat cat sits right now.

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True story: Life would be super swell if we all embraced our OMG side instead of living a Facebook-friendly existence. So, let it out. What kickass cat item did I accidentally leave off my list? Feel free to disclose details. You're safe here.