Historians will remember Aug. 22, 1993 as the date that famous cat-herder and competitive eating champion Bekah Rigby acquired her first diary.
The following is her opening entry, verbatim:
That's the name I'm going to give to you. Let me tell you about me. I am 9 years old and I love to write. That is why I decided to keep a diary. When I first saw you I knew that you were the one for me. I have no idea what got into me. Now really. Since when has a nine year old girl kept a diary. No one that I know of has. So I guess it is just me who likes to write in a diary. I really do think that every body should keep a diary. For two reasons too. 1) To practice their penmenship. 2) To keep a log of their life. And if you ask me those are two very good reasons.
I really have to go but I think I have some time. Well all my dolls say hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Gosh alot of hi's huh.
My dream is that someday my diary will be discovered just like Anne Franks was.
Talk to ya later.
I promise I'm not faking this.
This is my precious Kelly:
Here's part of the entry:
So, after I serve as the first Ruler of the Cat Land, the curators of the museum erected in my honor will gather all my correspondence/writings, and the exhibition of my early life will start with a debut diary entry where I put myself on the same pedestal as a teenage martyr who inspired millions.
I just discovered this gem a bit ago, and even I recognize that younger me's chutzpah warrants a helluva face palm. Seriously? Comparing myself to ANNE FREAKING FRANK?
Okay, I'm done now.
That's the whole post.
Except, can I offer you one word of life advice? Never, ever, ever, ever Google "funny Anne Frank meme." You are NOT going to be amused. And no, this is not a ploy to be like, "Ha! Reverse psychology! I hope they DO search it." I'm being serious. There's some sick shit out there about that poor girl.
True story: Life would be super swell if we all embraced our OMG side instead of living a Facebook-friendly existence. So, let it out. What humiliating shit did you put in your diary? Or, even better, what was so horrendous that you couldn't even bring yourself to write it down in your secret book? At what moment in your life did you realize that you are an incurable narcissist? Feel free to disclose details. You're safe here.