Brock Turner Is A Hairy Sphincter Pimple, And If The World Were Just, He'd Rot In The Dumpster Behind Which He Raped His Victim

Brock Turner Is A Hairy Sphincter Pimple, And If The World Were Just, He'd Rot In The Dumpster Behind Which He Raped His Victim

The pictured zit above is the most true-to-life image I could find of rapist Brock Turner.

And unless you've been living under a rock (is that an option? are there these huge rock mansions available for those wanting to opt out of reality? because people would pay big bucks for that...), then you know that this douche bag sexually assaulted an unconscious woman behind a dumpster, and instead of getting the minimum sentence of three years jail time as punishment, this festering pile of moldy pig excrement was only sentenced to six goddamned months behind bars.

I'll repeat this, because it bears repeating. This dude (an Olympic hopeful who swims for Stanford) laid this woman down behind a trash receptacle and penetrated her while she was blacked out, and he only stopped raping her when two bonafide fucking heroes chased him off of the girl. And he is only going to spend six months in jail.

Want to know what else can get you just as much (if not more) jail time? Paying too much --- yes, too much!! --- in child support (6 months). Selling orchids that you bought from Latin America (17 months). Mailing 5.2 grams of LSD (2 life sentences). A former co-worker reporter of mine once pulled national headlines when he broke a story about a woman spending a full fucking month in jail because police officers mistook the Spaghetti-O sauce on her spoon for meth. I shit you not.

So, yeah, you get five of your friends together, serve canned pasta, and you're looking at six months of jail time right there. AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN RAPE ANYBODY.

If this were the end of it, I think most people would be like, "Shrug. Stanford alumni judge sentences white Ivy League dude to less time than he deserves? Forgive me if I'm mistaken, but how is this news? This probably happens all the time."

You'd mostly be right, of course. White males get significantly less jail time for crimes than do black men. Duh. I know. I'm not telling you anything that everyone (except for some intentionally obtuse white folk) doesn't already know.

The reason that this case made the Internet collectively explode with outrage was that the rapist's dad actually had the gall to stand up in court and say with his stupid mouth that his son's "20 minutes of action" doesn't warrant such indignities as loss of appetite.

Yeah. He said that his kid did something sort of bad for only 20 minutes, so jail is just too hard. And not just for his rotten banana of a rapist kid. It's too harsh of a sentence for for we, the public, who are losing out on all the potential good this twat taco would have done in this world.

In other words, he shouldn't have to spend time in a cell. Rather, he should be doing a public service, like telling stupid women how not to get raped.

Now, lest you think I'm just making this shit up, here's a transcript of the last portion of the letter the rapist's ginormus wart of a father read to the judge:

Did you read it?


Now, how about we take that seething word pile of rape culture language and translate it into plain English?

And by "we," I mean my friend Jennifer Jacob Brown, who is infinitely more sophisticated, intelligent, educated, and ladylike than I.

Here's her take, which appeared on the unfathomably more lovely and literary blog, Field of Letters:

20 minutes of rape: Brock Turner’s father’s letter translated from the language of rape culture into plain English

As it stands now, Brock has had to give up some of his privilege because of the rape he committed. He will never be his happy go lucky self with that easy going personality and welcoming smile because he was caught during the rape that he committed. His every waking minute is consumed with worry, anxiety, fear, and depression, much like victims of the crime a jury found him guilty of, sexually penetrating someone against their will. You can see in his face, in the way he walks, his weakened voice, his lack of appetite that being caught in the act of rape has not gone completely without effect of any kind. Before being caught in the act of raping an unconscious person, Brock enjoyed certain types of food and is a very good cook himself. Back in the days when he wasn’t a known rapist, I was always excited to buy him a big ribeye steak to grill or to get his favorite snack for him. Before he was convicted of digital rape of an unconscious woman, I had to make sure to hide some of my favorite pretzels or chips because I knew they wouldn’t be around long after Brock walked in from a long swim practice. Now that his sex crimes have caused him to have to register as a sex offender, he barely consumes any food and eats only to exist. These verdicts of guilt of assault with intent to commit rape of an intoxicated or unconscious person, sexual penetration of an intoxicated person, and sexual penetration of an unconscious person have broken and shattered him and our family in so many ways, and that is far more important than the way they broke and shattered his victim and her family, because Brock can swim fast. After inflicting lifelong trauma on another human being and showing no remorse for anything besides having to face consequences, his life will never be the one that he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of rape out of his 20 plus years of life. The fact that he now has to register as a sexual offender for the rest of his life after being convicted by a jury of sex offences forever alters where he can live, visit, work, and how he will be able to interact with people and organizations after having committed, been caught in, and been convicted of sexual assault. What I know is that incarceration is not the appropriate punishment for Brock because he is good at athletics and is not poor or brown-skinned. He has no prior criminal history, aside from the sexual assault he has just been convicted of, and has never been violent including the night that he took an unconscious woman behind a dumpster and penetrated her with his finger, causing abrasions to her genitalia and putting dirt into her vagina, raping her until two bystanders ran him off. A rapist can do so many positive things as a contributor to society and is totally committed to educating other college age students about the dangers of drunk sluts. By having rapists educate others on college campuses is how society can begin to break the cycle of privileged young men having to face mild consequences after raping unconscious women at frat parties. Probation is the easiest thing for this rapist right now and allows him to tell society about how sad it is that he was caught committing a rape.

Question for y'all: Did you feel more sick reading the original version? Or did you feel more sick reading this translated version that was a bit more honest?

Answer: Doesn't matter. Because you're going to feel even more feels when you read the victim's moving and powerful statement that she presented in court.

I started crying when I got to the part where she said, "I don’t want my body anymore." Jennifer started crying at the part where the woman said she drew a picture of two bicycles and taped it to her bed so she could remember the goodness of the two bicyclists who stopped the rape. Maybe you'll cry when she writes, "While you worry about your shattered reputation, I refrigerated spoons every night so when I woke up, and my eyes were puffy from crying, I would hold the spoons to my eyes to lessen the swelling so that I could see." Or maybe it'll be this devastating that proves your undoing, " night of drinking can ruin two lives. You and me. You are the cause, I am the effect."

Now, I have to walk away from this now, because, truthfully, I can't stomach it anymore. I just can't.


True story: Life would be super swell if we all embraced our OMG side instead of living a Facebook-friendly existence. So, let it out. I really don't have any questions here, because, honestly, I just feel defeated. This whole thing makes me sick. Why the fuck is this the world in which we live? Why does this shit happen? Why do we blame victims and exonerate rapists? Why, y'all? Why? Feel free to disclose details. You're safe here.